I realize now, in the stillness between the rain, that I'm tired. Tired of being the girl with everything together, of the thoughts that keep racing through my head, of the countless moments I give to worry. Real consideration of this realization means taking a step back- recognizing what it means to rest.
"Rest?" you may ask. Yes. Rest. Because you are not your circumstances and although there may be plenty of things you'd like to fret about at the current moment, none of them is worth your time. So imagine letting each of them go. Put your yoke on the shoulders of the one who has carried the weight of us all.
A friend recently lent me, "The Rest of God" by Mark Buchanan which talks all about Sabbath:
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Jesus shows up, and those who should know better, who should be paying attention-priests, lawyers, teachers, apostles-typically miss it, while those least "deserving"-shepherds, children, beggars, whores-typically grasp it, and immediately. It turns out, numbskulls are numb every day, and seekers of grace awake nearly always.
And yet, of all days we might set apart to practice the art of attentiveness, Sabbath is an outstanding candidate. Sabbath invites us to stop, In that ceasing, fresh possibilities abound. We can shut out eyes, if we choose-to relax without guilt. But there is also time enough to open our eyes, to learn again Jesus's command to watch and pray.
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What scares me is how dependent I've become on these un-restful thoughts. Yet, in the stillness, I can ask the questions I've been avoiding:
1) Is this worshipful?
2) Is this thought drawing me closer to God?
3) Is it true, praiseworthy, right...good, excellent?
4) Is this bringing Glory to God?
And the answer is easily no. But in the midst of a world which honors the desires, whims, thoughts, and ideas which may come and go- it's easy to loose sight of why we must prayerfully choose rest. It's easier for me to think of resting as fully trusting God. When I've placed my trust in Him I no longer have to plan, work, and achieve. Our success isn't determined by the efficiency of each of our achievements but instead in our faithfulness as a child of a loving Father. In order to rest, all we really have to do is be a humbled recipient of grace.
